~ G O O D B Y E ~

These are my farewell flowers...

It has just sunk in... He's gone... Again...

For the nth time, I let go of him...

No matter how often I hurt him, He used to keep coming back... Now I am uncertain if that would still be the case... I have broken his heart so many times in the past... He did not deserve that... The man who has loved me more than any other man can do did NOT deserve that...

I hated how unaffected I was last night as I saw him fight back tears as he gave me this beautiful bouquet of flowers. I despise my apathy as he walked to his car, and as he went back to touch my cheek with his freezing cold palm as he struggled to say "Goodbye". He left, with not a word from me... That must have been so painful on his part. But last night I felt nothing... How spiteful of me...

And now, after getting a good sleep... I stare at these flowers... I read his card and the long poem he wrote... I listen to the CD he gave me last night... Tears involuntarily fall... Damn, I miss him... Worse, guilt engulfs me...

He DID love me... SO MUCH, as a matter of fact (for 7 long years!!!) And he still does... He says so... And I know it...

But then making him wait would be so selfish of me. I could not give him my time at this moment, and I don't want to go on hurting him because of that. I want him to be happy with someone who loves him more than I do...

Thanks, KIRT - for EVERYTHING! Be happy... and I will be happier knowing that...