Super Super Depressed!

Sigh, I've had much of a depressing day! At about noon, when I was getting ready to go to SM North with Fra and my Brother Bear, my mom suddenly called. She told me that daddy (my lolo, that is), already woke up. I was thinking, why in the world did she have to inform me that he was already awake? I mean, what was the big deal?

- - - About 4 days ago, when we were having the Indakan auditions, my tita from parañaque accidentally called me (she was supposed to call my mom). She asked how dad was. I told her I think he's quite ok and I didn't really know because I was here at QC. Surprisingly, she asked me if I didn't know that dad was rushed to the hospital due to stroke! I panicked and immediately called home to confirm the bad news! However, my mom told me that he was ok, maybe my tita was just misinformed. I believed Mama and forgot the issue... - - -

So when I got Mama's call a while ago, the painful truth sank in... It was true that dad suffered stroke, and apparently, my family lied by assuring me he was perfectly fine, when he wasn't! My mom had no way out, so she had to admit the whole truth. And it cut me deeply. Daddy just woke up this noon, after FIVE DAYS from confinement! That was terrible! She said I should talk to him to encourage him to fight and get well, because it was only when my little cousins arrived and talked him to waking up that he actually did. So she held the fone to dad so we could talk. Groans - were the only thing I heard from him, not a clear word. No matter how I fought back tears, they just flowed so rapidly. That was then that I realized that his speech was already impaired. He was also paralyzed. Instead of giving him a word of encouragement, I just sobbed! Stupid me! Mama said I shouldn't have done that, the more my grandfather would feel weak, knowing how sad I was. But I was so helpless. Mama told me to talk to him again, but I just didn't have the strength. I knew I wouldn't say a word again, so I refused.

Sobrang hurt ako. Why did my family have to keep such big crucial matter from me? Thanks to Buddy Bars and Brother Bear for making me understand that my family was just protecting me from hurt and worry, especially that I was far from them. They knew how much I loved dad, and how close we were.

I feel so helpless, I could no nothing but pray. Oh God! I could not afford losing another loved one. It's barely 3 months since my only uncle left us, and the pain still lingers. It was just last month when my mom has undergone a major operation - and it was really torture for me. Thank God, she survived and recovered fast. Now please, not my Lolo...

I have just bought my Christmas present for him last week, and I'm excited to give it to him when I get home. Now I just wish we could spend Christmas happily, with the entire family. I don't know what I'm gonna do if something unacceptably bad happens to any of my family.

I feel soooooo down. I missed the company of my beloved friends, I just wanted to be beside them to share my pains with, now that I'm far from my family. We did see each other, but were all busy with our respective lives. Sigh... At least I know there's always someone who is beside me no matter what. Oh God, please take care of Dad... Please please please I'm down on my knees... *sob*