CryBaby

- i hate being one...

this morning when we rehearsed for Indakan, me left thigh terribly hurt! i might have been doing something wrong during our previous practices for it to hurt that bad. plus i have this habit of pushing myself to the limit just to get something right. so there i was forcing myself to move and tried to ignore the pain. but that just didn't work, it only made the situation worse, up to the point that i could barely move because the pain was killing me.

the rest were already doing their thing, polishing their moves... while on the floor i was, just sitting and watching them. i hated the feeling, i wanted to clean my routine as well! i stood up and tried again, but the more i hurt myself. i felt so helpless, i cried! partly because i was ashamed avel might find out i was in pain. part of it as well was fear that he might scold me for not dancing at performance level, i just can't! but the real reason was the disappointment i felt that i wasn't able to do my best - not even close to doing good. sigh. i know i shouldn't blame myself. but i just was so dissatisfied with myself. but i just wish i ain't that prone to tears. no matter how i hold them back, they just voluntarily fall.